Casting Couch: Lars

Three Shot

John Travolta: Back Off Jack-Off Backtalk!

As we could have predicted, John Travolta's attorneys object to Gawker alleging that John's beat off more men than Sylvester Stallone in a Rambo sequel.  And it's likely nobody on Team Travolta was happy that these allegations came up just as Mrs. Travolta was once again giving birth.  I imagine strategy meetings with attorneys asking, "Just how many children do these two have to have in order to stop these rumors?  No, seriously -- how many?" Gossip Cop has the downlow on this sticky situation.  Will John Travolta really follow in fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise's footsteps and join him as the only other modern movie star to actually pursue suing someone in order to stop being called gay?  We don't know for a fact what the truth is about John Travolta -- nor, frankly, do we care -- but, as we head into 2011, who actually regards being presumed gay as an insult?  James Franco, Jake Gyllenhall, Anderson Cooper, Vin Diesel, Peyton Manning, Troy Aikman, and Matt Bomer are just some of the countless celebs rumored to be gay.  Some of them probably are, but don't care to confirm it.  All of them don't care if you think they are.  Keanu Reeves said it best fifteen years ago when he told Vanity Fair, "There's nothing wrong with being gay, so to deny it is to make a judgment. And why make a big deal of it?"  Fifteen years later, and even though it would be best for him to let these new and simply unbelievable allegations slip quietly away, John Travolta apparently intends to make a very big deal of it.

Best Ensemble Acting

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Production Office: Sticky -- A Documentary on Masturbation

So you want to be in pictures?  No, not the kind you're already in that feature only your best feature and you wouldn't want the TSA finding on your cellphone.  I mean real pictures.  The movies!  You can actually be a producer of a feature film through Kickstarter, a website where new or unfinished projects seek everyday people with as little as $10 or less to invest.  Move over, Mr. Spielberg!  The best part is you can help make a movie about jerking off.  Is this a great time to be alive or what?  Sticky the Movie needs your semen-soaked sawbucks for their documentary on dick-diddling.  This may be, in our opinion, the single most important movie of all time -- second only to Tim Oakes' jo session on Cam4, of course, which is the new gold standard to which all other movies must forever be compared.

Very Important Penis: Tim Oakes

We welcome Tim Oakes to the VIP section!  "Tim who?", some of you might be asking.  Our most favorite Brit ever, Tim is the excellently hung captain of the Sandbach rugby team and back in '07 he and his mates starred in an episode of the UK reatlity show Generation Xcess, a look into the bad, awful, terrible and very, very sexy nightlife of British twentysomethings.  In Tim's episode, he and his entire rugby team took to the town (after an invigorating group shower), got ever-increasingly pissed and -- in various pubs filled with strangers and with videocameras trained on their every move -- stripped themselves and each other, vigorously made out, bit and licked each others' nipples, slapped each others' asses, and wanked each others' willies.  No one can say these young men -- none of whom are gay -- aren't the epitome of open-mindedness.

The end of the program's episodes always featured the young adults watching their night out replayed for them on video with the idea that they will be ashamed of themselves and repent.  In Tim's episode, he and his mates thought what they did the night before looked even better the second time around and couldn't wait to do it again.  Tim, admiring his own enormous equipment, even happily reassured the audience at home that "the camera doesn't lie".

As if that weren't enough, Tim followed up his fifteen minutes of fame by posing naked and erect for an online forum for gay men who are fans of UK celebrities.  Did I mention he was naked and erect?

Since then, candid shots have constantly surfaced of him being naked or nearly so while hugging or cuddling his mates, wearing various roger-revealing items and even sitting on a toilet.

About the only thing the public hadn't seen from Tim was him masturbating his uncut monument to manhood in extreme close-up to a geyser of a climax.

Guess what?

After weeks of rumors, that video has finally surfaced.  Tim insists he didn't know he was broadcasting to all of Cam4 when he was on his webcam, thinking it was just to one special and very, very, very lucky lady.  Well, he was wrong and now the whole world is lucky.

Tim Oakes has a lifetime pass to our VIP section.  And he's always welcome to bring his friends.  Is it too late for me to take up rugby?